I Inadvertently Took Some Time Off

The process is real…and at times it can be confusing. It makes a difference when you know where you want to go.

IamDrLaTilyaRashon

I inadvertently took some time off from my blog because I wanted to see what all of the email courses and other “blogging” tricks were about.  I completed an eight day email course and learned some valuable things but most importantly I learned that she (course creator) began in this industry not really knowing where it was going to take her either.

I did learn from her though that if you are going to write blogs, make them epic, make them insightful, make them relatable, make them as long as you want because if people are really liking the things you write about then they will continue to come back looking for more.  Point well taken!

Keeping with the lessons that I have learned, I am now etching out my next steps because I would like more control in my life, career, finances, and creativity.  There are so many elements…

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Why Am I Single?

This question has become a common one for me lately as I have met and mixed with people. The question is often preceded by a compliment that typically includes, “you’re too ________ to be single”.I always give the same response….smile and shrug my shoulders.

In all honesty, I know the answer.

I’m single because I won’t settle. I won’t give in to the game. I am single because I chose to love myself more than I allow someone to tell me how much love I can get. I know my worth. I am approached by prospective mates to enter into relationships, but those relationships may not always be what is best for me.

I know that sounds like I am just being picky but it is more to it than that. I am not picky, I am selective. I make decisions, I do not typically jump to conclusions. I observe and I absorb. I learn from all experiences, including the experiences of others. I take my time. I think. I move how I am moved. I vibe and ride the wave. I don’t say more than I do.

I am single because I will not say yes just to say that I am taken. I am single because I am not willing to compromise who I am to say that I have someone else. I chose who I spend my time with. I make a choice to share myself. I am single because I love hard and I am not interested in being in a situation I know I should be out of.

I am honest. I have fun. I am single because I pay attention to the signs. I am not afraid to open up. I am not walking away from love, I’m walking towards my love, created for me. I am single because I know how much my heart can take.

I’m single because I’m right more than I’m wrong. I have a mission and everyone is not able to accompany me on my journey. I am not able to accompany me on my journey. I am not willing to put man above God. I’m single because I am me.

I am not willing to sacrifice my mind for my body. I am single because I can abstain. I can resist the urge. I am happy with who I am. I am complete. I am single because I am not looking. I am ready to give my love to the one that is built to handle it. My love is heavy. It is very easy to adore me.

I am more like one of the guys than one of the girls. I am single because I speak. I open my mouth and provide pleasure with words. I increase excitement. I encourage smiles. I give support. I understand. I’m respectful. I pay attention.

I am not afraid to say when I am hurting. I am gifted. I am single because I am not willing to stop being me to gain a he. My happiness does not depend on my relationship status. I am a proud mother and my happiness is immeasurable. My joy is always turnt up.

I get down but I don’t stay there. I want to be in a relationship that is hand-picked by God and designed by His hand. I don’t want a journey full of dead-end streets. I’m real. I’m a lover. I’m an optimist. I’m awesome and amazing. I’m extremely intelligent. I strive to live in truth. I strive to live in love.

I do not belive that when people ask me why am I single that this is the answer they expect. Many could hear the answer and still not understand. I know that people ask questions that they do not always want the answer to. I am not one of those people.

When I ask questions, it is for a purpose. I am seeking clarity, knowledge, and understanding. When I asked myself the same question, I thought about it. Why am I single?….

The answer came to me after I started listening to my conversations with others about relationships and what I am willing to accept. In those discussions I learned so much about myself.

I love me. I am happy with me.

So I guess from now on I will give the smile and shrug a rest and employ the following response: I’m with me 😉

The Truth About a Homewrecker

Using a basic breakdown to understand what a home wrecker is, the definition boils down to one that destroys the home. Often times this world is used to describe women that have been involved in affairs with married men. This is the case regardless of the woman’s marital status. Most people feel like that is justified.

Well, let’s take a closer look.

Once again a home wrecker is one that destroys the home. If a married woman engages in romantic, intimate, sexual or other affairs with someone other than her husband, she is indeed destroying her home. The same is true when it comes to married men. Men are just as capable of being “faithful” as women are. A marriage is not a competition nor is it a pastime.

When the vows are made “til death do us part” and forever is the destination, the focus is different. When one person decides that forever has been reached in certain areas of their life, things change. If that person decides to search outside of the marriage for a solution to a problem inside the marriage, they are setting up the path for pain to roll in. The person(s) that they bring inside their marriage cannot be held responsible for the destruction that originated from the one who is breaking the vow.

Granted, there is responsibility for actions regardless of role. If labels are to be used, they should be used appropriately. Approaching situations such as this require a level of truth that most would rather avoid. As mentioned every role has responsibility. So everyone involved contributed to the current or past situation that causes infidelity.

Blame resolves nothing. It only provides excuses and no closure or understanding.

Most women have intuition and know when things are different with their man. Men often need evidence. Women attempt to discuss and talk through things. Men typically would rather walk away and come back to a resolved issue. Women are more willing to forgive their man and stay in the relationship after he cheats. Men are not as forgiving as women for the most part. Women blame more. Men tend to hold grudges.

Overall, we understand and interact differently as people and as partners. When those vows are made, we know what we are walking into. The signs are often shown well before we commit. Once we commit it is harder to just walk away.

So we walk to another place. We walk into the search for peace, truth, and happiness.

At times that search turns up empty inside and outside is the next place we try. That is not the best method, but it is often the next step.

As situations change, so do feelings and we often act off feelings faster than anything else. Moving off the right feelings makes all the difference.

Living in the truth of the situation is not easy. Living in the lie is even harder. Living in lies leads to destruction.

That’s the truth about a home wrecker.

Caught in love

When I learned that you would never be mine
I released a tear that I felt in my spine
Fighting the pull that gravity has created
Hoping truth and feelings stay separated

Loving you in silence
When there is a lot I could say
Missing you in private
When you could be the end of my day

Our time is forever
But only in our thoughts
If we ever let it out
In our love we’ll be caught

This connection is strong
And very unorthodox
Still I sit alone
Awaiting a bended knee and opened box

Rewrite the Rules

What does it really mean to do something #likeagirl?…ponder that. There are some things that men are better at than women and vice versa. There are also some things that women can do that men cannot; and vice versa. After listening to former President Jimmy Carter present his thoughts on the treatment of women I was amazed and enraged. He spoke about the way that men have viewed women based on a misinterpretation of the Christian principles that our country was founded on. He references the many restrictions placed on women in the Bible and how men use that to control women in the church, the home, and the workplace. Men did not have to fight for the right to vote. Why would they? They already controlled EVERYTHING.

Men solidified their need in society by ensuring that, although women are typically smarter, women should make less so they can remain dependent IF they work. Many look to the scriptures that describe the man as the head and the woman as the submissive. If they really believed that they would pay close attention to the story of how woman was created. She was crafted in whole from a small piece of him. She was lifted from him and still connected to him. She was called to be a helpmate. She was given the duty to be fearless. She was tasked with being courageous. She was charged with being strong when she has no strength left. She was pulled from his side to stand by his side. None of that explains why for over 15 years women have made over 23% less money than their male counterparts for the same job. Nor does it describe the need for female genital mutilation. It baffles me that the men that made the “rules” looked at the Bible and completely disregarded the main focus.

God is love. Unity is in love. Peace is in love. Joy is in love.

Abuse is not in that. Mutilation does not belong there. Discrimination was not a part of the process. Woman was not created to be the footstool to man. For years women have had to fight. Unfortunately, we are still at war. Jimmy Carter mentioned that he feels that the mistreatment of women is the number one human nights issue in the world. He also pointed out that women are disrespected, sold, mistreated, and often disregarded more than men. This reality is harsh and offensive.

So…it is time to #rewritetherules.

Women have made great strides over the years in spite of being held back. With the strength that women were created with, we carry the weight of the world in our womb. With the great amount of fearlessness women were given, we go against the storm ready for battle. With the immense courage that was placed in women, we stand strong for those who can’t. These are some of the many qualities that show the responsibility placed on the helpmate. Man and woman were created to be there for one another. To lift one another. To love one another.

The division came when “rules” replaced love. Women were created to be respected alongside the man. Women were created to be a partner. Women were created to continue to show the world the love that we were created in. We have to be willing to be courageous even when we stand alone. We have to be able to speak for those coming after us and understand what was done before us. We have to strive to be more than what they said we could never be. We have to get active in our lives and the lives of those dependent upon us. We have to change the view so that we can truly be seen. In order for love to win we have to #liveintruth and realize that #alllivesmatter.

We need each other.

We need one another.

I am proud to be a woman!

A beautiful creature created and molded to imperfection because room for growth is necessary. I would not change being a woman for the world. However, I am #always up for the challenge of changing the world #likeagirl.

Rescued by my dreams

Getting lost in the thoughts of what could be, drowning in the sea of possibility. Crossing streets of confusion just to reach more uncertainty. I close my eyes. I relax my mind. I give in to my desire. I float away. My dreams begin. I see what I want past what I don’t have. I notice that my present does not have to be my future. I step over my failures and walk into my purpose. My dreams become visions. They no longer come only when I sleep. My passion to be me supersedes my concern for how you feel about me. My drive for happiness creeps down the highway of sorrow and moves towards the exit of hope. The visions are vivid. The visions are plain. The visions are the actions of the dreams. The dreams are the thoughts that started when I let go. My dreams rescued me from the statistic that you hoped I’d be.

Halted love

Getting to know someone is a process. We never know what we are getting. We try to put up a wall to protect ourselves from being hurt. We often don’t realize that the walls we built to protect ourselves can actually be the walls that block us from what we need to see.

We try to look past the person and see who we want them to be instead of who they truly are. We ignore the signs that show us we are headed down a one way street with the hopes of it leading us to a two lane highway instead of a dead end. When we stop looking for things that we want we are blessed with exactly what we need.

It’s like a set of keys that are misplaced. We look everywhere and can’t find them. We are in such a rush to leave and do something that we should be avoiding that we miss the keys that are right in front of our face.

Once we accept that we are looking too hard to find something that is not really lost we get clarity. We are able to step away and allow things to find us. When we stop looking for love it walks right into our lives. We halt the love that is searching for us when we are consumed with trying to find it.

Faith in Fear

We often times run away from our reality because we are afraid of what the outcome could be. We don’t know the future, only God does. He reveals things to us so that we can live in the manner that He wants us to live. We are terrified to listen to God. We are running away from His revelations. We do so because once we accept the truth we have to live in it. Many of us would rather be miserable in a lie than to have peace in the truth. Why?

It is true that the truth hurts. But it only hurts after we have been fed a lie for so long. Many of us are afraid of change. We are worried about the outcome. When we move in faith we are not moving in sight. When we move in sight, we are moving away from faith. The desire to live in the overflow that has been promised to us is overshadowed by the fear of moving in faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for…A wise man once said that if you can see it, that ain’t it!

So why would you continue to hope for what you already have? Why would you doubt that your help is in the hills? On this journey we all have to know that faith is the basis, it is the foundation. If you believe, you can achieve. If you doubt, you will lose out. We are so quick to move on something that we want at first glance. Once we realize it is not what we thought, we are slow to move on. Heartbreaks are the result of us moving away from faith, and moving in fear.

 

Clearly Lost

A part of being a human being is seeking counsel. We look to others to give us advice on what we are doing. What we are considering and what we are already done with. We listen intently to those that are around us. We search their words to find what we need to make decisions. More times than not, we are seeking answers from those that are lost.How can someone lead us if they are in the back of the line?

We have to be sure to surround ourselves with people that have been where we are or where we are going. We cannot ask those that are confused for clarity. The quest for clarity includes a desire for guidance. We want to be sure we are moving in the right direction. We want decisions to be validated. We want our excuses to be acceptable. When we ask questions are we prepared for the answer?

The old folks used to say “be careful what you pray for”. That is very true. In addition, we need to be careful who we pray to. A lot of times we are not getting the guidance and the leadership we need because we are looking in the wrong places or overlooking those that are placed right in our view. We all have people strategically placed in our lives to help us. Do we use them?If we use them, do we listen with an effort to utilize?

There is a major difference between being clearly lost and being lost in clarity. It is simply referred to as a reality check. We have to accept our reality in order to lose the doubt. As long as the doubt dwells within us, we will not be able to hear clearly and move forward. When we allow doubt to reside in our minds, we block our ability to be effective. Learning how to listen is just as important as knowing who to listen to.

 

The Promise of Change

A promise made on earth will often be broken. This is true because it is human nature to fall short at times. Sometimes we use our mouths to speak things that we know in our hearts we are not committed to completing. We will make a statement just to reduce tension, or to remove the glaring eye of judgement. I am so glad that the promises of God are real. All I have to do is live right and believe. He is an awesome God that will follow through on what He says. His promises hold more weight than anyone on earth. He has the power to change my life. Trusting in the promises of man will only change my attitude.

I know that God has placed greatness in us and He wants to see that greatness revealed to the world. It cannot be unveiled if we are constantly blocking it, if we are lying to ourselves and others, or if we are making empty promises. We have to live in our reality and not in our fantasy. God made promises to us with the intention to keep them. Not many of us can say that all the time. We have to be mindful that just as we look to God to keep His promises to us, those that we make promises to are looking to us for the same. I was told years ago not to start anything that I was not willing to keep up with. If you are not interested in being a constant let down to the people in your life that depend on you, do not make promises that you plan not to keep.